


Perks of Being a Bartender

by HeyItsGem



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Auror Draco Malfoy, Bartender Hermione Granger, Ex Auror Harry Potter, Fluff, Harry and Draco are frustratingly oblivious like honestly, M/M, Matchmaker Hermione, Veritaserum, bartending, but it's for good, dorks being dorks, non-con potions, potion spiked drinks, probably illegal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-02-08 16:59:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12869019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeyItsGem/pseuds/HeyItsGem
Summary: No one expected Hermione Jean Granger, brightest witch of her age, to become a bartender after Hogwarts. Yet she had done just that, at a Muggle pub nonetheless. Now, she was one of the most well-known bartenders in London. She did, however, have a secret to her success that she wouldn’t let anyone else know.——————————————————————Or the one in which Hermione secretly puts potions in people's drinks and Harry and Draco are oblivious arseholes until Hermione meddles.





	Perks of Being a Bartender

**Author's Note:**

> Based on [Emily](https://staganddragon.tumblr.com)'s amazing [prompt](https://staganddragon.tumblr.com/post/167397667121/im-dying-right-now-what-if-there-was-a)
> 
> Thank you to my lovely beta [@restlessandordinary](http://restlessandordinary.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr for her great help!
> 
> Hope you all enjoy!

No one expected Hermione Jean Granger, brightest witch of her age, to become a bartender after Hogwarts. Yet she had done just that, at a Muggle pub nonetheless. Now, she was one of the most well-known bartenders in London. She did, however, have a secret to her success that she wouldn’t let anyone else know. She slipped potions into almost every customer’s drink, depending on her customers’ needs. So, okay, it wasn’t completely legal to give people potions when they didn’t know, and it was _definitely illegal_ to give potions to muggles. But she wasn’t hurting anybody; on the contrary, she was helping them. It wasn’t like anyone would actually find out either, as Hermione was pretty good at being discreet and kept all of her potions in her trusty little bag (that, of course, has an undetectable extension charm on it).

 

~~~

 

“Hello, Draco,” she greeted the blond haired man with a smile. “The usual?”

 

Draco just nodded at her as he took a seat at the bar and put his head in his hands.

 

“Rough day, again?” Hermione asked as she put sugar in a glass for Draco’s old fashioned.

 

“That’s putting it lightly, Granger,” Draco started, distractedly looking at Hermione make his drink. “Robards is being a prick again, but what’s new,” Draco huffed, taking his eyes off of Hermione, giving her the chance to add a drop of Draught of Peace into Draco’s drink to calm his nerves. “You’d think that after seven years of being an Auror the man would trust me to take a case that’s actually a case and not just saving a kneazle from a tree. But no, I’m still Draco Malfoy the Death Eater to that lot.”

 

Hermione gave Draco a sympathetic look and passed him his drink. Draco took a large gulp and Hermione watched as his features relaxed slightly. “I don’t know how you do it, Granger, but your drinks always manage to make me feel better and I’m not even drunk. What do you do, slip potions in them or something?”

 

Hermione laughed, putting on a fake guilty expression. “You got me! I’ve been slipping people potions from the day I started working here,” she said jokingly. “But shhh, if anyone found out I’d be fired,” she added with a wink.

 

Draco shook his head and let out a soft laugh, looking at his glass. “Well, whatever it is you do, keep doing it,” he said, taking another sip from his drink, and then one more. Hermione figured Draco would soon be inebriated enough to start talking about Harry. Draco lifted his eyes from his drink to look at Hermione. “Say, Granger, what’s Potter up to these days?” he asked in what he thought was a casual way, twirling the remaining alcohol around the glass.

 

Hermione tried not to smile at Draco’s ‘secretive’ way of asking about her friend. Draco would never admit it, but it was very obvious to Hermione that Draco was absolutely infatuated with her friend. Hermione had a hunch that Draco’s feelings weren’t one-sided as Harry had always been kind of obsessed with Draco. But the two never spent more than a minute in each other’s company. Even now, nearly a decade after the war, they still pretended that they couldn’t stand each other despite being a lot more civil than they had been at Hogwarts. “Harry’s doing alright, he’s busy with the kids as usual.”

 

“Ah, of course, Saint Potter with his orphanage.” Draco sneered halfheartedly, downing the rest of his drink and pushing the glass towards Hermione. “You know, The DMLE never was the same after he decided he was too good for the Aurors. Maybe if he hadn’t left to look after a bunch of children, _he’d_ be Head Auror and we’d all be free of Robards.”

 

Hermione thought she heard Draco mumble something like “ _at least_ _Potter doesn’t treat me like a bloody Death Eater still,”_ but she paid it no mind. “Come on, now, you know how much the orphanage means to Harry,” she said, putting a drop of Draught of Peace into the freshly made old fashioned. Apparently, today was a "two drops of potion" kind of day. “You know better than everyone how unhappy Harry was as an Auror. You were his partner before he resigned,” Hermione pointed out.

 

“Yeah and he couldn’t stand being my partner so much so that he had to resign,” Draco said, making Hermione wince. Maybe Draught of Peace wasn’t the right choice for today, perhaps she should’ve gone with a simple cheering potion instead.

 

“It was hard on him, Draco,” Hermione explained softly. “Facing dark magic day after day when his entire childhood was spent doing just that.”

 

“And my childhood wasn’t?” Draco sneered at Hermione. _Yup, definitely should’ve gone with the cheering potion,_ she mused.

Hermione knew better than to say that it wasn’t exactly the same thing. “You do realize that you can quit being an Auror if it doesn’t make you happy, right?”

 

“I like being an Auror just fine, Granger. At least I did when they gave me actual cases while I was Potter’s partner. I don’t hate being an Auror, Granger, I’m just saying they aren’t allowing me to _be_ one anymore. And that’s Potter’s fault,” he said and went on to grumble about “ _Stupid Potter, with his eyes and that bloody mess he calls hair. Stupid,_ fit _Potter…”_

 

Hermione opened her mouth to respond but heard another customer come in and smiled apologetically instead. “I’m sorry Robards is a shit, Draco, but don’t take it out on Harry. Now, I have another customer so I’m afraid I’ve got to go.”

 

Draco made a little dismissive gesture with his hand as he took another sip of the drink in his hand. Hermione went to her new customer to take her order and prepare it. By the time she got back to where Draco was sitting, there was an empty glass on top of an excessive amount of muggle money - the first time Draco paid too much for his drinks, Hermione had tried to give the excess back but Draco had dismissed her and told her to keep it as a tip, resulting in a tip of about fifteen pounds - and a handwritten note: _Keep the change, Granger, thanks for the company._

 

~~~

 

It was a slow night at the pub when Hermione saw Harry come in, his frustration clear on his face. “Hey, Harry,” she greeted him once he was close enough to hear. “I thought you had a date tonight.”

 

“I did,” Harry sighed. “It had to be cut short because the guy only wanted to hook up and I don’t want just that anymore. We’re almost thirty, ‘Mione, I want a real relationship. I want someone I can come home to, someone who isn’t half my height and covered in dirt.”

 

“I know, Harry, I’m sorry this one was a failure too,” Hermione said sympathetically.

 

“It’s just that everyone from the wizarding world wants Harry Potter: The Boy Who Lived and it seems like every muggle that I’m interested in only wants sex.”

 

“I’m sure not everyone is like that, Harry,” Hermione said. “The people that were in our year in Hogwarts don’t care that you’re Harry Potter.”

 

“Shall I go try to seduce… Goyle, then?” Harry asked teasingly.

 

“Sorry to burst your bubble, Potter, but I’m pretty sure Greg doesn’t swing that way,” Draco joined their conversation. “Potter,” he gave a polite nod at Harry who was staring at Draco, apparently startled by his sudden appearance. “Hello, Granger,” he said, turning to Hermione.

 

“Hey, Draco,” Hermione greeted with a warm smile.

 

“Malfoy,” Harry started, his brows furrowed. “What are you doing here?”

 

“I’ve come to have a drink to ease my nerves, Potter, as I do quite frequently,” Draco said, in the most Draco Malfoy way that Hermione had seen him speak in a long time. “Is that a problem for you? You don’t think I’m up to something, do you?” he asked, raising a thin brow.

 

“N-no, I just, uh, hadn’t seen you around here before,” Harry stumbled through the sentence, making it sound more like a question than a statement.ik

 

“Draco is one of our usuals, Harry, he’s here quite often. I suppose you guys haven’t crossed paths here lately because you don’t come around nearly as much as you should,” Hermione admonished lightly.

 

“Anyway, Potter, now that it’s established that the weird thing here is not my being in this pub, do tell me; why are you planning to seduce my friend?”

 

“I- I wasn’t!” Harry exclaimed, flustered, before composing himself. “It was a joke, Malfoy, don’t make shit up when you don’t know what you're talking about.”

 

“Very well, then, seeing as my friend is safe from your seduction skills - which I’m sure are abysmal - and I can’t possibly calm my nerves with you here, I’ll be taking my leave,” Draco said glancing at Harry nonchalantly before turning to Hermione. “Goodbye, Granger. I’ll return when the pub is… less crowded,” he said, grabbing his muggle style overcoat from the bar stool he had placed it on.

 

“Wait, Draco,” Hermione said, her plan already formed in her head. “Won’t you stay for one drink? It’ll be on the house.”

 

“I’m tired, Granger,” Draco sighed. “I come here for a chance to relax, have a quiet drink, and maybe chat with you. I don’t see it being a very relaxing environment with Saint Potter here.”

 

Harry scowled at Draco and opened his mouth to retort but Hermione didn’t let him. “You are both adults! You’re my friends, not to mention former Auror partners. So stop acting like children, bloody grow up and be civil with each other, will you?”

 

“We weren’t good Auror partners,” Harry noted.

 

“I disagree,” Draco muttered but it was clear enough for both Harry and Hermione to hear.

 

“What?” Harry said, baffled.

 

Draco cleared his throat and acted as if he hadn’t said anything, but the blush that was creeping on his cheeks was proof that Harry and Hermione weren’t mistaken in what they heard. He put on a displeased expression - Hermione suspected he was faking it - and put his coat back down, on the counter this time. “Alright, Granger, I’ll stay for a drink,” he said, effectively changing the subject and sat on the barstool next to Harry’s. “I’ll just take the usual.”

 

Harry furrowed his brows at that as if to ask _“He actually is a usual?”_ Hermione ignored it. “And for you, Harry?”

 

“I’ll take a rum and coke, thanks.”

 

“Coming right up!” Hermione said joyously, getting to work on the drinks. She knew exactly what potion to put in their drinks. The problem with these two was that they kept pretending. Everything would work out just fine if they stopped being daft cows and told each other what they really thought; if they told each other _the truth._ But they were being stubborn idiots and they wouldn’t get anywhere on their own, so _she_ would make them do it. She was going to give them Veritaserum.

 

Once the drink preparations were done and two drops of Veritaserum were added to each glass, she pushed them forward on the counter and watched as both men took their first sips. She’d wait until they were halfway done with their drinks - that would give them enough Veritaserum in their systems - and then she would start prompting them to get talking about their feelings.

 

“Say, Potter, what was the whole Greg thing about?” Draco asked Harry after taking a couple sips of his drink. Hermione raised an eyebrow. It seemed that they wouldn’t need much prompting after all.

 

“Curious, Malfoy?” Harry asked with a raised brow before responding. “I was just telling Hermione that I can’t date in the Wizarding World because everyone sees me as Harry Potter who defeated Voldemort, and I want to be seen as Harry, just Harry. Hermione said that our old classmates wouldn’t care that I’m Harry Potter. And that’s when I joked about Goyle and yeah, you were here for the rest.”

 

“Granger was right about that, you know, I don’t give a rat’s arse that you’re The Saviour, you’re still good old annoying Saint Potter to me.”

 

“Thanks, that means a lot, I also think you’re an insufferable git,” Harry said, rolling his eyes before he took another sip of his rum and coke. “Hey, Malfoy, did you really think we were good partners?”

 

Draco scoffed. “We were great partners, Potter. At least that’s what I thought. Sure we argued a lot about unnecessary things, but we had chemistry in the field,” he said before his tone turned bitter. “But you obviously thought otherwise, didn’t you? Seeing as you hated it, _me,_ so much that you actually stopped being an Auror.” Draco’s eyes widened as if he wasn’t expecting to say all those things.

 

“I didn’t hate you,” Harry blurted out. “I never hated you. It was being an Auror that I hated.”

 

“What?” Draco asked, bewildered - now because of Harry’s words instead of his own.

 

“I didn’t hate you at school, I didn’t hate you when we worked together, I don’t hate you now. You were, and still are, a huge prick but that doesn’t mean I hate you,” Harry said, with a confused expression on his face.

 

Draco took a sip from his drink and then another, letting Harry’s words register. Before he could form a response, Harry was talking again. “Did… you hate me?” Harry said, hesitant.

 

“No, Potter, I did not hate you,” Draco said, almost angrily. “I might as well have begged you to be my friend in first year, I think it’s safe to say I don’t hate _you_ , Potter, just the fact that you wanted nothing to do with me.”

 

“You didn’t even know me in first year! I didn’t know you!” Harry exclaimed. “All I knew about you was that you were being an arse to the one person that was ever nice to me. So excuse me for rejecting your bloody handshake, Malfoy, you didn’t really give me much reason to accept it. Why would you act that way when you were trying to befriend me?”

 

“I was trying to impress you, you prick!” Draco yelled, his words only registering a couple seconds after he’d said them. “I don’t know why I said that. Why would I want to impress you, I wasn- I wasn’t-” Draco’s brows furrowed when he couldn’t say what he was trying to. That was odd, it had felt like he physically couldn’t get the words out of his mouth. That only happened when- “Granger! I can’t believe you would do something like this!”

 

“Whoops,” Hermione said sheepishly, shrugging.

 

“You do realize that this is illegal don’t you, Granger? I should arrest you right this second!” Draco said, leaning over the counter towards Hermione.

 

“What? What’s happening?” Harry asked, looking lost.

 

“Granger here apparently thought it was a good idea to spike our drinks with Veritaserum, Potter,” Draco said, crossing his arms.

 

“Hermione!” Harry yelled with the sudden shock of his friend’s shenanigans, making the few people around them look over to them.

 

“Oh, come on, I had to do something to make you two stop acting like a couple of idiots. You weren’t gonna get anywhere if I left you two to your own devices,” Hermione said, putting her hands up in front of her chest towards Harry and Draco in a way of shielding her from them.

 

“So you drugged us instead?!” Harry yelled, promptly shut up by Hermione’s hand on his mouth.

 

“Keep your voice down!” Hermione hissed. “Look, I know what I did wasn’t ethical, or strictly legal, but it’s not like I hurt anybody!”

 

“I still don’t get the point of all of this,” Harry huffed, crossing his arms.

 

“Oh, Merlin’s beard, Harry, tell us what you actually think of Draco, will you?” Hermione said, exasperatedly.

 

“I… I, um, Imight’vehadatee-HUGEcrushonhimandnowitmightberesurfacing,” Harry said, letting out a breath.

 

Hermione gave Harry an unimpressed look and asked him to speak slower. “Oh fine, I like him, okay? There, I said it. Happy?” Harry said before turning to Draco. “I like you, I don’t know why I do because you really are an insufferable git but you’re also so bloody attractive and you’ve done so much to try and redeem yourself after the war and I admire you a lot for it. Not that any of this matters because why would you care, right?”

 

“Circe’s tits, Potter, have you never heard of boys pulling girls’ hair because they like them? I’ve been obsessed with you ever since first year, you nitwit, I just didn’t know why until fourth year when I-” Draco cut off abruptly, his face turning beet red. He cleared his throat before speaking again in a more calculated, dismissive tone. “Anyway, Potter, I guess I like you too, for some reason.”

 

“You like me?” Harry asked.

 

“Yes. Are you deaf, Potter?” Draco responded, rolling his eyes.

 

“Now, wasn’t that nice?” Hermione said smiling at them.

 

“Granger, what you did is still very illegal and it could’ve gone very wrong. You will never, ever, put potions in people’s drinks _unless_ they ask you for it. Veritaserum is completely off limits. If I hear anything about you practically drugging people without their knowledge again, I will personally arrest you.” Draco said in an authoritative voice.

 

“Fuck, that’s hot,” Harry said before he could catch himself, immediately turning Gryffindor red. “Fuck. I’ll just go now, not making any noise and pretending I don’t exist,” He got off the bar stool, stumbling for a bit before starting to walk away

 

“Not so fast, Potter,” Draco caught Harry’s arm before he could leave, smirking at him. “I’m not nearly done with you.” Harry’s mouth fell open in an “o” as Draco pulled him back onto the stool. “Now, Granger, did I make myself clear?”

 

Hermione nodded, more amused than afraid of Draco’s threat. It wouldn’t be amazing for business that she had to stop using potions but that was alright, this was worth it.

 

“Good,” Draco said, before turning to Harry. “What were you saying about me being hot, then?”

 

“T-that’s not what I- I m-meant-” Harry stuttered and was soon shut up by Draco.

 

“Shut up and kiss me, Potter,” Draco said, pulling Harry closer to himself by his collar. As their lips met, Hermione smiled and silently grabbed the discarded glasses from the countertop to wash them.

 

~~~

 

Nobody expected Harry James Potter, the Saviour of the Wizarding World, to be dating Draco Lucius Malfoy, known ex-Death Eater. Yet he was doing just that and nobody had ever seen him happier.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first time writing Drarry, I hope I did our boys justice!
> 
> Check out my [tumblr](http://insert-current-fandom-here.tumblr.com/) and send me a prompt!


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